I've decided that my darling daughter, M, should address Chairman Bernanke on The Hill as soon as humanly possible. She has solved the financial crisis. And to think, she did it all without having to throw the market into a tizzy --- it's pure genius.
This morning I decided to be "the best mommy in the WORLD" (yes, those were her exact words) and drive my daughter to school. The side benefits for her included; a) sleeping in 15 minutes, b) no timer while she ate breakfast, c) no timer while she sat on the toilet, d) no timer while in the shower, e) you get the picture. I even took the time to try a different hair-do on her - which ended up failing miserably. Who cares, c'est la vie, we didn't need that stinkin' bus. She gave me a pat on my forearm and with her big blue eyes brimming with sympathy said, "that's okay mommy, I still love you." Phew - that was a close one.
Back to my story. While we were spending some time cuddling on our loveseat during this love fest, M asked if she could have 5 dollars to buy books from the Scholastic book sale they send home twice a month. Side note: I can't stand those book orders they send home! I don't have any clue to what those books contain -- add to this that she will get "sparkly" stickers from her teacher for ordering, she was pretty desperate for the 5 bucks. Without batting an eyelash I calmly replied that, no, she could not have the money because she already owed me $9 from previous loans. This is how the conversation played out:
Mom: Speaking of my nine dollars, how to plan on making enough money to pay me back? I have plenty of special projects I can give you.
M: Uhmmm. I dunno. How about, you can help me...
Mom: No. I've helped you by loaning the money. Now you need to keep your promise and pay me back.
M: You didn't let me finish. Hold on.
At this point my child opens her mouth and with her cutie index finger begins to count her teeth. Uhn, oo, ree, our (one, two, three, four) she continues until saliva is allll over her finger. I'm reaching for a napkin and the Purell.
M: How many molars do I have?
Mom: M, what in the world are you talking about? We were talking about what type of work you're going to do to earn money.
M: Well, I don't want to do a lot, a lot of work (a mother's proud moment), but I was thinking... If you could help me pull out all of my teeth, except my molars, I could put them under my pillow and the toothfairy would bring me enough money to pay you back AND have money left over for the books!!!! [insert hysterical laughter from mom]
Mom: If you get rid of all of your teeth, how will you eat?
M: Well, I'm keeping my molars so I can eat grapes, mashed potatoes, cookies n' cream ice cream and those Spaghetti O's you don't like me to have. You don't have to chew ANY of those foods!
So, Mister Chairman, we would like to propose that anyone that cannot meet their financial obligations with traditional legal tender be required to (or given the opportunity to) pay with their teeth. The Toothfairy will go bankrupt, but at least the person will still be able to enjoy Spaghetti O's.
Bonus round: How well do you know me? Did I give her the money?
This delights me! Go M for figuring out a very thorough and yet completely original method to solve her problem!!
ReplyDeleteI snorted with laughter just reading it. I'm sure it was quite a think to see her earnest face explaining the brilliance that is this plan!!
I shall no longer say "paying through the nose", it will now be "paying through the teeth."
ReplyDeletehmm.... my guess is that you did not give her the money until she was able to earn it by scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush, sweeping the chimminy or something like that...
ReplyDeleteAll who read your blog should be aware that because children's teeth are normally not full of cavities, the tooth fairy in turn gives more money. So those adults with good dental insurance are more like to have better teeth and have a higher tooth to dollar ratio. Therefore I believe it is a classic case of the haves and have nots. Those who are in the most need of supplemental income would NOT benefit from the proposed plan of teeth for coinage due to their disadvantaged background.
More importantly I would not. And I need the cash.
-RAB
What would be the going rate for, say, dentures? Full set, or just uppers? Or, a partial?
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA! I found you! I totally LOVE your blog! These stories are so awesome. I can see this one in particular playing out perfectly in my head. You guys are great! Hope you had a great trip this weekend. We missed you!
ReplyDeleteHow can you not know that Scholastic is single-handly changing our world from illiterate to partially literate? Any good parent buys books from the book order sister! C'mon now, I'm a teacher~and like any good teacher knows, students only read what they choose, so be it garbage or not, Let them read! Let them read, I say! You know receiving books from the scholastic box directly influences the popularity vote of your peers don't you? My poor niece! I know you didn't let her buy that wonderful $.95 children's classic whose title I can't remember at this moment!~soap
ReplyDeleteAt least she was trying to to "earn" the money some way. My kid would just tell me that he is a kid and isn't supposed to work and that my job is to give him the money and let him buy what ever books he wants! I am scared for these two when they get married to each other!
ReplyDeleteI say yes, you gave her the money. I think you're a softie. :)
ReplyDelete