Getting to Know You...

I've thought a lot lately about how little people really know about me. It's like my life is divided into thirds. Each is remarkably unlike the other. The first third is from birth until mission. The second third is mission life. The last third is married until present. Wait. Now that I think about it, the last section should really be divided in half -- can you do that with a third? This is my blog - of course I can! So the first half of the last third (you followin' me?) would be pre-parent & the second half of the last third (I love making my own rules) would be after becoming a parent until present. Does that make sense?

In my interactions with others I often make a HUGE mental effort to remember that I only know a small snippet of who the other person is. It's as if I am looking through a pinhole at them and I can only see what is directly in front of me -- unable to see everything that preceded this particular moment. How fair would it be to make a decision about the substance of their character or assume to know the motive for their actions without taking the time to get to know them and their "back story?"

But all too often this is what we do to each other. You have no idea that the reason I use Jergen's Cherry Almond lotion isn't because I like the smell of cherries, but because it's the lotion my grandpa used for years. He's gone and it reminds me of him. The reason I joke about my being overweight is because if I acknowledge it first you can't bring it up -- all because that same grandpa used to always tell me how fat I was each time I saw him. (Well, that and I am overweight. Hey, the truth is the truth.) And the only reason my house is always clean when you stop by is because I once had a good friend drop by my tiny newlywed apartment after a particularly grueling week for us. When she left I realized that there were dirty dishes covering every inch of counter space & raw potatoes randomly placed around the front room. I was mortified & swore it would never happen again. It hasn't. I'm not ultra-clean. I'm paranoid!

Why can't we cut each other some slack? Most of us just want to be understood for the people we are when we're behind our own front door. Why can't we give that to each other? Is it because doing so would require more work on our part? More time? More patience? More charity? It's so much easier to make a snap judgment and move on. We're busy after all and already have an established group of friends. What relationships are we missing out on because we won't invest?

Despite the fact that I am quite extroverted, I have very few close friends. I'm a tough nut to crack. I've had more people than I care to count tell me that the reason is because I'm "intimidating." You see, I'm not really into 'fluff.' I don't have an inordinate amount of time to spend with friends. I don't 'get together' with people. I want the time we do spend together to be meat & potatoes. In depth, intense, quality conversation. I guess that's not what people are comfortable with, I'm okay with that. But if that is what makes them uncomfortable, then it is serious conversation that intimidates them. Not me. Conversation is just one facet of who I am.

Maybe you're seeing only one facet through your pinhole? Maybe.